Boundaries Are Necessary for Success

Changing Your Life Successfully Series, Part 1

By Belinda Lowry

 

 

 So many of us are looking at a list of New Year's Resolutions and feeling defeated.  We wonder why we even bother trying to make new commitments and habits, when nothing seems to change. 

We do it because we want it and we know life would be better if we did.  But it never seems to happen. 

There are several things that can get in the way and sabotage our efforts for change. We might be trying to do things in a way that doesn't match our tendencies or personality.  We might be using a system that doesn't fit our demanding life.  We may not have the support of those around us, that these changes require.  Perhaps we know the results we want, but not the steps required to achieve them.  Or we may be too overwhelmed with everything else and are ready to cut everything off.  

If you relate to any of the previous things, you have come to the right place.  This post on boundaries is the first in a series on changing your life successfully.  In this post we will explore why and how boundaries are a critical key to making successful changes.

 

For many of us, we have good intentions for making changes, but we can’t seem find the time to start doing whatever it is we want to start.  That is because we don’t guard our time, to reserve it for the most important things.  Some things we might need to guard our time from are the expectations and requests of others.  We also sometimes need to guard our time form unhealthy escapes: bing watching videos, pointless scrolling on social media, excessive time out with friends, etc.  There are other things, but these two areas are the most common in sabotaging our time management efforts.

As we consider these two areas, let us look at the problem that occurs.  If we are meeting everyone else’s expectations, our to-do list doesn’t get done.  Then we struggle to fit everything in, and we become so overwhelmed, that we need a break-an escape from the “obligation jail” we feel we are in. 

 

Unfortunately, we don’t always choose healthy activities that truly give us the real break we need.  Instead we choose stuff that often numbs the brain and leaves us more fatigued and unmotivated to get stuff done.  So we default to just floating through the day and forget about accomplishment and success in pursing the life we really want.

 

 

When we have clear boundaries of our limited time, we can more fairly commit to that which we are able to do, both for others and ourselves.  If you only have so much time you can spend meeting the requests of others outside your home, you are more careful with the use of ‘yes’ and ‘no’ in obliging yourself.  When you say yes in one area, you are effectively saying no in another.  So if you appropriately say no, then you can say yes to the neglected things.  Or say yes to the time needed for new habits to be established.

 

We are the only ones who can decide where our boundaries need to be, but you can be sure others make suggestions that sound good.  I used to say that “my enthusiasm for life overwhelms the reality of my schedule.”  I said yes to a lot of things, because I did think I wanted to do it.  This is where we must discern our highest priorities.  Life is more fulfilling when we do the best things and not lose hours of time on the things that don’t enhance or advance our life.

 

We have a tendency to shut down and build walls to protect ourselves from overwhelm, but then we hurt relationships-personal, work, and family.  We build walls to keep others out, that have no invitation to an open door.  This makes it hard for others to know when and how they can engage you.  It also makes it hard for you to know from day to day, what you will likely be willing to do.  So rather than get stuck in a cycle of doing too much to doing nothing, there are steps we can take to create our path to the better life.

 

The second part in this series will help us to understand how a system of well placed boundaries can create a thriving life.